Cliché, I know, but the lovely Audrey Hepburn was right. Paris has a certain charm and romanticism to it that you cannot find elsewhere. It blends antiquity and modernity in an effortless manner. It has an endless supply of arts, culture, beauty and fashion. And it draws you in, inviting you to take advantage of all the city has to offer.
But be careful with that invitation. For try as you might, becoming a true Parisian is quite the difficult task. I'm not even sure it's entirely possible. Paris is like the group of popular kids in high school. You want so desperately to be a part of it, but you will never truly belong. I could spend years here and I would still just be an expat—an American in Paris drooling over the chic yet edgy style of life here that I have yet to master. But I am okay with that.
While studying in Paris has not exactly been a stroll in the Luxembourg gardens, living in Paris has been a dream come true. Literally. I have been dreaming of coming to France to spend a significant chunk of time here since before I can remember. I almost went to study at Sciences Po's Menton campus as an undergrad, but then I chose India instead. And I have never regretted that decision, but it meant that living in France was still on the To Do list. Funnily enough, I remember someone telling me that if I did not study abroad in France as an undergrad, I could just go as a graduate student. A statement I scoffed at at the time. Grad school? I'm just trying to get through college, I thought. Well, that person was right, although it would take me a while to believe them.
The urge to live in France grew in me, particularly in the months after returning from India. Once a traveler, always a traveler. Forever doomed to be sick with wanderlust. Poor me. Now, I can often tell the difference between something I want that is just a fantasy for fun and something I want that I am going to get someday. The first may be... a surf vacation in Costa Rica, for example. True, it may happen someday. But it is not something which I feel the want for. France, I felt like I wanted it. I knew it would happen, I just did not know when.
Sometime in 2013, I bought a notebook I saw in a home goods store that inspired me to keep dreaming (pictured below):
"I've decided that I must go to France as soon as possible. The last time I was there for more than a few days was when I was a small child and I barely remember it. It is a huge part of my family's history and I want to experience the culture and be able to speak more fluently. I plan to use this journal to document my plans, my "hopes and dreams" related to France and all things French, and someday my experiences traveling in France."
Over the next several months, I wrote about anything related to French culture that I encountered. Books I read, art exhibits I went to downtown, food I ate, places I wanted to visit, ideas I got from movies. Anything and everything. I even read an 800-page historical fiction book about Paris. Eight hundred pages of free reading as a senior in college. I mean, come on. That's dedication. Then, in January, I made the decision to apply for a graduate semester abroad. After months of applications and paperwork, it became official. I was going. On the day before I left the country, I wrote:
"It's so funny to me that I bought this journal not knowing when or how I would end up in Paris, and here I am about go get on a plane to CDG to stay in the City of Lights for six months."
At the time, and even now, I was very matter-of-fact about everything. Going to Paris was something I wanted to do, so I was doing it. End of story. Don't worry, I got emotional at various points throughout the journey, but I never felt like I was coming or going anywhere. I just felt like I was... doing. Like I was living and this was just the next chapter. Maybe I'm getting too philosophical for you now... I do find it hard to explain. But anyways...
I still think it's funny, to be honest. That I bought that journal to obsess over Paris, without any idea how I'd be getting myself there. But it's great. I brought it with me and I continued to write in that journal throughout my time here, mostly using it to plan adventures and document random observations or, write down things I wanted to go see. I had a few other journals too (I like to write a lot), but I love that I brought this one with me.
Don't ever let yourself think something won't happen just because it seems a little crazy or maybe you're not sure how to make the dream a reality. Write down what you want for yourself. Even if you're not actively working towards it 24/7, if you put it into words and you think about it, if you truly want it, you will eventually figure out how to get there. At some point in those months of writing about France and French culture, I was presented with the opportunity to go and I took it without hesitation. And you know what? Audrey was right. It was a good idea.
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